Changing Life

Every once in a while you feel like a change will make you feel better. Even if it's just for a moment. Or is it only if it's for a moment. You never get tired of wishing and wanting. Or it's not that you don't get tired, but rather just don't stop.
But once that wish of change comes true, you start all over again. Irrespective of who you are, how affluent you are or even how happy you are. Our wishful thinking is like wanting a toy every other day of our childhood. But now, in my late 20's, what I want is not considered right by society. But I can't stop wanting it.
Now if I want, what I do, then I am considered as selfish and greedy. But I am still the same and the judgement that would befall upon me is all man made. So should I do what I like and face this judgmental world?
Sometimes I think I can getaway with what I want by deception. And that would be good as I get my adult toy and also go scot free. But I am still waiting.
I know someday I will be there in the moment when my wish sits at an arms distance. So I wait.
But once I get there, I will live like a child all over again and again and again.
Share me a wish right here right now.

Education: An ignorant bliss

Education is a norm for this generation. Study hard, excel and succeed. Additionally it provides you a numb and machine like lifestyle. Living and life are disparted wide apart.

"It has life!"

You might say that when something non-living seems otherwise. Doesn't even hold a similar meaning anymore. Race to excellence, wealth, fame, status and man-made knowledge, leaves you rather lifeless.

Ever wonder why there were no subjects like "Family", "Friends" or say "How to select your life partner"(core course). Why didn't my school teach me how to make and keep girl friends? Friends being plural.
Am sure if there was an international standard for girl friend selection, then there would be plenty Phd's of the same. And your funded to do research, oh man!

Back from ga-ga land to reality. Our education system is just making robots. Machines are taking over the world and it's people like you and me.
Ancient Indian schools, gurukul, probably taught you enough science and alot of everthing else that's much required to merge living and life.

Atleast once a week or month, do something that you would do when you were a kid(fresh knowledge free brain). For me it would be playing with my nephews toys, with an empty head. No thought about work, current life, food or some reoccuring guilt.

Note: Kindly teach your kids the science of life.

Life can only get...

Life can only get worse, if not better?

Its my 26th year of life, and I have seen and felt some pretty bizzare things like many. Whats happening right now? Things are just not going my way. Everythings taking a turn for the worse. I would like to give my own life as an instance, but the reader should not feel obliged to replace this with their own.

Right now I have a temporary job. Because of which I cannot be with the person I love.

Thats completely undersaid. Lets elaborate on those lines. I am currently in Tucson, with a Masters in Science and no job. One of the biggest reasons for me to pursue my Masters was because I loved a girl who had not even completed her degree and could not even count(or compute) the number of minutes in 1.5 hours. I needed to make more money to lead a comfortable life and I started with GRE and all that. But now she is not there in my life and I am left here with my MS and no job.

I always wanted to do alot for my parents.

This is a cliche statement, and I dont need to say anything more. You can always do alot for your parents, no matter what condition your in. But this is another reason I came here to do my MS. MS means earning in dollars, which is more money, which is me buying my parents lots of stuff.

These are the two major problems that make me feel bad, once in a while. Am sure the reader can replace them with many more or fewer or none.

But now lets try this out.

Life can only get better, if not worse!

That sounds kinda better. Lets read it again, "Life can only get better, if not worse!". It has a BJP 'feel good factor'.

Let me go over my life instance now.

Right now I have a temporary job. And I have the most beautiful person to live with, for the rest of my life.

I'am not that bad at what I do, that I dont deserve a job. Just that its not happening right now. Currently am in a Lead Architect position at a startup, which is very rare for most people. Although it is temporary, its very good experience and the work, for once, is interesting.

And Arpi is in my life. She is the sweetest thing in the world to me, and I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with her(I pity her ;).

I always wanted to do alot for my parents.

And this MS means alot to them. They always wanted me to study further and do well, and here I am. Am also in a great position to earn and get them stuff.

I see people, including myself, say life sucks, lifes great, life this and that. None of that is true. If something doesnt happen now, it will happen later. And if something happens now, it wont happen later.

Just relax, be yourself, be good, be happy, be sad and do everything that you feel like doing.

2 years

Where did 2 years go, where did they take me. Hell is the only gift this country gave me. And am just stuck here. Don't know for how long, but still here.

Yesterday the person I love tells me about the person I loved. 2 years ago I loved her, and 2 years later from then, I love her.

In the meanwhile, I pursued my Masters in Computer Science. 2 years of this was like choking yourself. And its not the studies, it was the circumstances, the people and alot of myself. Now am trying to remember why I came here in the first place. I know why, but I wish I could just go back in time. Thought things were getting better, but I dont know if I was thinking too much or too little.

These 2 years have made me richer and extremely poor. So rich that I spend 2 lacs gambling, and so poor that I cant feel certain things.

My mind plays with me, with images and feelings. I am tired.

But the only good thing to happen to me was the most wonderful person to enter my life. I feel bad for her. But she is a sweetheart. And I cant wait to get out of this hell and go back to her.

The Day My God Died

Saw a documentary today, The Day My God Died. It's about the prostitution racket in Bombay, India.

Bombay; India's financial hub, Bollywood, land of oppurtunities, most expensive city, home to the most expensive home in the world or whatever great bullshit people think about it. It's also home to the WORLDS LARGEST RED LIGHT DISTRICT. It has to be a must see for any tourist, cmon now.

Here are some of my feelings after seeing the documentary:

1. Utter disgust at mankind
   
2. Utter disgust at mankind
   
3. Utter disgust at mankind
   
4. Utter disgust at mankind

I will elaborate the points above in the following paragraphs.

1. Utter disgust at mankind

First and foremost I wanna say that mankind includes myself. Now back to topic, oh ya Bombays most happening place. Girls are being trafficked from Nepal in most interesting ways. Drug them with adulterated Pepsi, or a biscuit, or even crumbs of food, or even better, promise to save their child who are dying of some illness.

And when they wake up, they are in the land of oppurtunity with sick oppurtunists staring at their flesh. Thats it for the first point.

2. Utter disgust at mankind

Before I proceed, I wanna give you their(girls) demographic profile.

Average age => 14 years

Virgins => Almost all, except helpless mothers

Thats it for their qualification. Oh shit, I forgot the most important of them all, "they are females with ______".

The fill in the blank will be different for every individual reader, so be as truthful as possible or should I say as human as possible.

Too much off track. So we woke up in Bombays brothel street and now we dont want to work here. But you dont have an option. If you "try" to protest, as per your constituitional rights, then 7 to 15 men gang you up in a room and beat you and rape you till you submit. One girl in the documentary, let her be Aarti, was just a 7 year old, when this happened to her. I mean, I have friends and family who have a 7 year old daughter and I dont even want to think of something like this happening to anyone in the world. Ok now all the non-virgins, do you remember the pain your loved one went through when you had intercourse with her for the first time or her first time. You didnt even want the faintest move of yours to hurt her. But here is a seven year old kid being raped by atleast 10 grown up men who think of her as a piece of meat. What had she done to deserve this? Anyone with an answer?

Ok then now your serving customers who come by the hour or even the minute, and I mean it. Sometimes they need to serve 30 to 40 "customers" a day. Thats a pretty lucrative setup and sums upto 700 million dollars of ROI annually for just one street, in one city, in one country, and hopefully one planet. I so dont want mankind anywhere else. Ok then next point.

3. Utter disgust at mankind

Now you are serving "customers" of all sections of society and ages and occupation and lastly "sickness of mind". One girl denied having anal sex and the "customer" stabbed her to death and covered the employee with a blanket. Basically, if you deny anything then you can expect to be raped, burnt with cigarettes, have acid thrown on you, incisions that make you feel like a curse to life itself.

And our boys in khakhi, the police or the biggest set of bastards on the planet. And being from India myself, I know there are alot of them everywhere. They come to the brothels for their weekly collection; in terms of money or flesh. This is where my blood boils. I mean, it just boils to rip the flesh of these people in power. Just cut them enough so that they can remain breathing. But this is where I get to the last point.

4. Utter disgust at mankind

Ok now I want to just kill all these cops, middlemen, politicians and finally the most important person of them all, myself. I am the biggest asswhole this planet has seen, and am sure you can relate to me(no offence or pun intended). Thats because, I see these things happening, I blame these rascals, I want to bring them to justice or whatever and finally the most important thing, I want to watch the next IPL match which would be starting in a couple of hours because Bangalore has a good chance of qualifying to the semis. I dont know why its not in me and many others, if I can say so. We see, we know whats right, we know how it can be fixed, we know this, we know that and we know UTTER CRAP. I just completed my Masters in Computer Science and trust me I dont know the value of 3 meals a day. So thats what my 18 years of education has succeeded in failing to teach me.

I wish some good things happen in the future, for each and every single person.

And ya, the CV of the girls after 6 months of employment:

Average age => 14 years

Virgins => None

HIV + => 80% (although it can take upto 5 yrs to show up, this is a guaranteed addition to your CV in just a matter of months)

Now to just tell you about Aarti. She got rescued, at the age of 11, by the International Justice Department and resides in a shelter in Nepal. This shelter is ofcourse run by a woman, who is unlike all of us, thankfully. And Aarti has AIDS, and she is getting thin by the day and is going to die pretty soon.

When asked if she has some desire in life, she said, "Earlier when I was a girl, I wanted to fall in love, get married and have children."

Then she was asked again, "Do you have any desire in life?"

Now she stopped gazing at the sky, looked back at the camera and came back to reality and said, "No I dont have any desires.", with a tiny little everlasting smile and absolutely no tears in her eyes.